Some of my best memories have nothing to do with work. They are a conversation in a small café in a city where I could barely read the menu, a woman laughing at my terrible attempt to pronounce her name, a long walk after a dance class with someone whose language I only half understood. Travel makes you more open. It strips away your routine, your excuses and the version of yourself your friends at home expect. That is exactly why meeting women while traveling can be so special, and why so many men get it completely wrong.
I have travelled a lot for my job, in many countries, on sets full of people from everywhere. I have watched men arrive in a new place and behave beautifully, and I have watched men arrive and behave like they had paid for a theme park. This column is about the first kind.
Why travel makes you more attractive (when you let it)
When you are in a new place, a few things happen naturally:
- You become curious. Everything is new, so you ask questions. Curiosity is one of the most attractive traits a man can have.
- You have stories. Where you came from, what surprised you today, what you got wrong at the market. These are easy, honest conversation openers.
- You are more present. You are not checking work email every five minutes. You notice things.
- You take small risks. You talk to strangers because you have to: to ask directions, to order food, to find the right bus.
All of those are the same qualities I talk about in my column on how to be confident with women. Travel just forces you to practise them. The mistake is thinking the passport is the attraction. It is not. The attraction is the version of you that travel brings out.
The tourist trap: what not to be
Let me describe a type I have seen in every city I have visited. He arrives with a list of “easy” places he read about online. He believes women in that country are a certain way, usually a stereotype. He talks loudly, tips to show off, mocks the local customs, and treats every woman he meets as a souvenir. He leaves convinced he is a great seducer. The women he met tell their friends a very different story.
Do not be that man. Meeting women abroad is not about “where the women are easy”. That mindset is disrespectful, it is often illegal in its uglier forms, and it attracts exactly the kind of experiences you will later regret. A woman in another country is not a category. She has a job, a family, ambitions, a sense of humour and a very good radar for men who see her as a cliché.
If you would not say it to a woman in your hometown, do not say it to a woman abroad. Simple rule, and it filters out ninety percent of the bad behaviour I have witnessed.
Respect the culture before you try to charm anyone
Every culture has its own rhythm of dating. In some places people are direct and the first date can be a quick coffee. In others there are family expectations, more formality, slower steps. Public affection is normal in one country and offensive in the next. Who pays, how you greet someone, whether you kiss on the cheek once, twice or not at all: all of it changes.
Before you go, and while you are there:
- Learn twenty words. Hello, thank you, sorry, my name is, how do you say. Nothing opens a smile faster than a stranger trying, and failing a little, to speak your language.
- Read about local customs. Dress codes, religious sensitivities, attitudes to drinking, what is considered rude.
- Watch first, act second. Notice how couples behave in public. Notice how men and women talk to each other. Adapt.
- Know the law. Some places have strict rules about public behaviour, alcohol or relationships. Ignorance is not an excuse, and the consequences can fall harder on her than on you.
Respect is not a technique to get women. It is the minimum. But it also happens to be attractive, because it shows that you can see the world from someone else’s point of view.
Where real connection actually happens abroad
The worst place to meet someone special while travelling is usually a bar full of other tourists. You will mostly meet other visitors, the music is too loud to talk, and everyone is a little drunk. Fine for a fun night, terrible for connection.
Better places, in my experience:
- Classes and workshops. Dance, cooking, surfing, yoga, language. You share an activity, you laugh at your mistakes, and conversation comes naturally afterwards.
- Language exchanges. Many cities have regular meetups where locals practise English and visitors practise the local language. Everyone is there to talk. It is almost unfair how easy it makes conversation.
- Walking tours and day trips. You spend hours with the same small group, and there are endless things to comment on.
- Social hostels and coworking spaces. Even if you are not staying there, their events are open and friendly.
- Dating apps, used honestly. Write in your profile that you are visiting and for how long. I covered how to build a decent profile in dating app profile tips for men.
Notice what these have in common: you are doing something, not hunting. When you are doing something, she can see who you are. When you are hunting, she can only see what you want.
How to start the conversation
You do not need lines. You never did, and abroad they sound even worse when translated. What works is the same thing that works everywhere: a genuine observation, a question, a bit of humour.
- “Sorry, I have no idea what I just ordered. Is this going to be spicy?”
- “You look like you know this neighbourhood. Where would you go for real coffee, not tourist coffee?”
- “I’ve been trying to say this word all day and everyone laughs. Can you help me?”
Then listen. Ask about her city, what she loves about it, what tourists always get wrong. People light up when they talk about home. If you want more on keeping a first conversation alive, I wrote a full guide on how to talk to a woman you just met.
And as always, read the signals. If she answers briefly and turns back to her friends, thank her and move on with a smile. Being a foreigner does not give you extra permission to insist. If anything, it means you should be extra careful not to make anyone uncomfortable.
Be honest that you are leaving
This is the part most men skip, and it is the most important. If you are in a city for a week, say so. Early. Not as a disclaimer in a hurry, just as a fact: “I’m here until Sunday, then I fly home.”
Why?
- It respects her choice. Some women love the idea of a short, sweet connection with someone passing through. Others are looking for something serious and do not want to invest in a man who disappears. Both are valid. She can only choose if she knows.
- It removes pressure. Once it is said, there is no hidden agenda. You can both just enjoy the time.
- It protects your reputation. Women talk, especially in smaller cities. The man who lied about staying is remembered.
The same goes for what you want. If you want a holiday romance, do not pretend you are looking for a wife. If you would genuinely like to keep in touch, say that too, and mean it. I wrote about this kind of honesty in how to stop being a nice guy: the honest man is more attractive than the agreeable one, everywhere in the world.
Money, status and the passport problem
In some places a foreign man is assumed to have money. Sometimes that is true compared with local salaries, sometimes not. Either way, be careful how you use it.
Generosity is lovely. Paying for dinner, bringing a small gift, treating her to something she would enjoy: all fine. But if your main appeal is your wallet, you are not dating, you are buying attention, and attention that is bought leaves when the money does. I go deeper into this in should a man pay for everything on dates.
There is also a darker side. Some places attract men who travel specifically to exploit poverty. I will be very clear: that has nothing to do with dating, and nothing to do with this column. Exploitation, anything involving anyone underage, and anything that is not freely chosen by an adult are crimes, and decent men report them rather than look away.
Safety goes both ways
When you are new in town you are vulnerable in ways you do not notice. And so is she, meeting a stranger who will be gone in a week.
For you:
- Meet in public places for the first date.
- Watch your drink and your belongings.
- Be wary of anyone who rushes you to a “better bar” or a private place you do not know. Some scams are built exactly on that.
- Tell a friend or your hotel where you are going.
For her:
- Let her choose the place, or suggest somewhere public and well known.
- Make it easy for her to leave at any time, and never make her feel she owes you anything.
- Offer to get her a taxi home rather than insisting on walking her to her door.
Respecting her boundaries is not optional at home and it is not optional abroad. Everything I wrote about setting boundaries in dating applies with even more force when there are language gaps and cultural differences. If you are not sure she said yes, the answer is no.
What I learned from working with women from everywhere
My industry is strangely international. On one set you might have women from five countries, with five different senses of humour, five different ways of saying “no, I’m not comfortable with that” and five different ideas of what romance means. Over the years I learned to stop assuming. The woman from a “conservative” country might be the most outspoken person in the room. The one from a “liberal” country might be the shyest. Stereotypes are lazy, and they make you blind to the actual person in front of you.
Some of the most interesting women I know built careers far from home and had to learn new cultures from scratch. If you want an example of someone whose fame crossed borders in a way nobody expected, read my column on Sora Aoi and her fame in China. And if you are curious about the women I have actually shared a set with, from many different countries, you can find them at fuckingpornstars.net.
Holiday romance or something more?
Sometimes a connection on the road becomes real. People meet travelling and end up in long-distance relationships, or even move countries. It happens. But do not plan for it, and do not promise it after three days of sunshine and good wine. Distance tests everything.
If you both want to stay in touch:
- Talk about it plainly before you leave. What do we want? A friendship, a visit, a real try?
- Keep in touch without smothering. Regular contact, not every minute of every day.
- Make a concrete plan if it is serious. Love that is “someday” usually stays someday.
And if it was just a beautiful week, let it be that. Not every story needs a sequel. Sometimes the kindest goodbye is a warm one, with no false promises.
The bottom line
Travel can make you a better version of yourself: curious, brave, present. That version of you is attractive anywhere. But meeting women abroad only works if you go as a guest, not a conqueror. Learn the culture, find shared activities, be honest that you are leaving, keep money in its place, protect her safety as much as yours, and treat every woman as a person rather than a postcard.
Do that, and whatever happens, romance or just a great conversation, you will leave the place better than you found it. And you will be welcome back.
FAQ
Is it easy to meet women while traveling? It can be easier, because travel makes you curious and gives you natural things to talk about. But it only works if you treat local women as individuals, respect the culture and are honest that you are visiting.
Where is the best place to meet women when traveling? Places where you share an activity: language exchanges, walking tours, cooking or dance classes, hostels and social cafés, and dating apps used honestly. Shared experiences beat bars full of tourists.
Should I tell her I am only visiting? Yes, early and clearly. Saying how long you are staying lets her decide what she wants. Hiding it to get further is dishonest and usually ends badly for both of you.
How do I stay safe when dating abroad? Meet in public places, tell a friend where you are going, watch your drink, avoid scams that rush you to a second location, learn the local laws and customs, and never pressure anyone. Her safety matters as much as yours.
— Maximo Garcia
More from me at maximogarciaworld.com.
